Feeling like a fraud…
Has it been awhile since you’ve stepped onto your mat?
I guarantee you, you are not alone; friends and students often reach out asking for advice on how to get back on their mat after a hiatus, and I confess, I never have any solid advice.
My physical practice has really been on the back burner lately, and I’ve often navigated the emotions of feeling like a fraud. Here I am teaching almost daily, owning this new studio, creating content and trying to urge people to get on their mats and reap the vast rewards of the practice — and yet I cannot seem to get on my own mat.
I have felt guilty about it for awhile. But the thing I keep coming back to is remembering that Yoga is not just the physical practice. Sure I say it all the time, in class and in trainings, but do I really believe it? Have I really ever allowed myself to embody that truth?
I can say that I’ve finally started too. It’s a struggle, as our society focuses 99% on the physical practice. But when I soften up a bit, and I see how discerning my mind has become, how often I pause and think before I speak, or spend a few moments in reflection noticing what I just said and how it impacted the people who heard it, I realize I’m constantly practicing Yoga. When I use my breath to calm myself, when I stop beating myself up maybe 2 seconds quicker than I would have before, when I recognize my judgement of someone else, and when I stop and marvel at the sunset — I’m practicing Yoga.
So if I were to offer advice, it would be just as much for myself as anyone else.
Here it is: Soften. That’s it. Just let yourself be soft.
When you feel inspired to get on your mat, go for it, and when you don’t, don’t. Try as hard as you can to not berate yourself for not practicing asana. It’s not the most important part of the practice, and you have nothing to prove. Your practice will always ebb and flow, and it will constantly be in transition. Let it inspire you and take you where it will, but try to release the expectation that it should look a certain way, i.e. asana.
When it’s time to focus on asana again, your mat will call you home. But for now, try to surrender and be curious abut the process. Be soft.